That's right........sing. Last night as I was up toiling away on the last minute changes to this blog I sang......until the wee hours! I hadn't done that since I was in high school!!! It was wonderful. I played a variety of stations off of Pandora (a pretty nifty website dedicated to playing music that you like based on your choice of genre/artist)and I sang! Sarah McLachlan, Paul Simon, The Cranberries, etc. Most times I wasn't evening paying attention, the words just seemed to flow and I carried a tune OK. I'm not professional but it served me just fine. It felt really great to be singing again.
I used to sing alot. All the time in fact; to my kids, in the shower, in the car.......slowly but surely all the noise that took up residence in my head made it impossible for me to even entertain the idea of music. I had so much detritus flinging around inside my noggin that I couldn't even enjoy the sound of music. My husband, a musician, of course was quite offended by my resistance to music. It just overwhelmed me so that I felt like I was swimming, aimlessly, in a cavern full of water snakes!!! OK, that might be a little dramatic but I just couldn't process any thoughts or reasoning when there was so much noise in my head and then outside my head!
Part of this journey is to realize that which doesn't work or fit with who you are. I process everything that happens in my life. I ask questions to myself to help me identify my part in things and then label everything and categorize it to the correct compartment so it all makes sense. I have even begun to contemplate what I was thinking the moment that bird pooped on me! I live by the philosophy that everything happens for a reason........Why?
Thankfully, over the past few months I've been able to accept things about myself that I would normally try to change.......like taking everything personal, resenting other when they fall short of my expectations, my weight! Now, just because I have accepted these things about me doesn't mean I allow myself to engage in these energy zapping antics, instead, I've accepted them which means I've allowed myself the space to grow and relieve myself of the drama. I've stopped taking everything as a personal vendetta against me and realized that everyone is responsible for their own actions. I understood this already I just forgot that it's not my place to try to change anybody for the sake of what I feel to be right! What's right for me isn't right for the next person......this understood as well, I just hadn't processed it! The bottom line, alot of the noise in my head was resentments and questions as to why other people behaved in certain ways that created a disruption in my life. Now, I'm happy to say, that although I still become upset at the prospect of an injustice (I'm human after all) I've learned to quit taking it on as my own problem and therefore expecting myself to fix it. Big......I know!!! This has freed up prime real estate in my head to allow for a more pleasant environment full of music and other goodies!
When the noise in your head has become so loud sit and bring up one single thought that creates this negative ripple effect. Why is it there? Do something to alleviate the noise......approach the person that is causing you this grievance, apologize, forgive, or just send love. If for some reason nothing can be done, accept that. Realize that not all mistakes or ill will can be corrected and that the space that's being wasted on obsessing over these issues is detrimental to your health. It's hard, I know, but try to let it go! Grieve and feel all the emotions that come to play but then........say good bye and allow yourself the freedom to SING!!!
My recommendation........turn on your favorite album, give yourself ten minutes and sing at the top of your lungs. Who cares how horrible you might sound. Groove to the tunes and HEAR all the sounds and intonations of the songs. Feel how your body reacts to the sound waves and how your heart flutters when you get to the chorus.
My husband will be so thrilled to see that music will be respected when it's on in our house. I'm thrilled knowing that I will finally be able to choose the noise that I hear........well, mostly!
